As we prepare for the upcoming Year of Lasallian Spirituality in 2025, Christian Brothers Conference will publish occasional reflections to provide spiritual inspiration and inspire continued dialogue around Lasallian spirituality.
By Brother Michael Phipps, FSC
In my work, some of the most visceral, personal connections I have with young people occur when they experience significant loss and the grief that follows, often for the first time in their lives. This grief manifests in a thousand ways and on individual timelines for each of them, rearing its head in the midst of a presentation or at an assembly or on the drive to school, unconcerned with the timing of its arrival. How, then, do I provide a safe, compassionate environment in which they can feel the pain, express their emotions and move toward healing?
Saint John Baptist de La Salle was no stranger to loss, experiencing the death of parents, siblings and close mentors at a young age. The question has often entered my mind of how he navigated these tragedies. It occurred to me while exploring the Founder’s writings that the words penned years after these first losses hold a key to a possible answer for my question. De La Salle turned to God, to the Spirit, relying on his steadfast belief in the power of faith and continued reliance on divine providence. Secondarily, the Founder turned to his community; first to family, priests, and the religious women and men in his milieu. As the Society grew, I imagine that De La Salle turned to the Brothers he was close with, sharing his experiences of loss as he listened, in turn, to their own experiences with grief.
At Cretin-Derham Hall, I offer a support group for students experiencing loss, specifically in their immediate family. And it is necessary. The number of CDH students who have lost guardians and/or siblings over the past two years is staggering. While some of the topics are research and psychologically focused, the bulk of our time together explores the existential and spiritual elements of death, loss and grief. Death and loss and grief bring up so many questions that I cannot and do not feign to have answers to. When thinking about sessions, there are two phrases from the Founder that inspire my preparations. The first, “Know each of (your students) individually” from Meditation 33.1, invites an intentionality to relationship building. De La Salle implores his Brothers and contemporary educators alike to know our students. To know where their motivation lies, what they consider home, how they view the world and themselves, who they trust.
Unfortunately, in cases of loss, I have not always met the student in front of me. This reality brings to the forefront the second phrase from the Founder, “Let the way you live be that of the Gospel” from the Meditation for the feast of St. Thomas the Apostle, leads me to the cornerstone of our Lasallian charism. If the way of the Gospel is love, it stands that the ministry of Christian education, as well as the spirituality that animates it, starts with love. I must approach my students, regardless of personal knowledge, first with love.
Admittedly, there are days I come home emotionally exhausted and unsure of any impact I may have had, half convinced that I should cancel the rest of my groups and let someone else accompany these young people through the pain of loss and grief. To compound this thinking, the reality of losing my biological parents shortly after birth adds a layer of personal investment I don’t always recognize in the moment. While empathy stands as a hallmark of connection and community, the empathy of grief generally carries some additional baggage.
Often at these points, I remember the profound words of John: “Jesus wept.” At the loss of his friend, a part of his human family, Jesus lost it in one of the most vulnerable expressions of human emotion. Just as I encourage the students I accompany, allowing myself the vulnerability, the humanity to weep for my students’ losses offers a way through.
Many of you have faced the daunting responsibility of accompanying a young person through the throes of grief, wading into deep waters without a map. I hold up the spirituality of De La Salle as a guide, allowing faith in divine providence and the building of community to provide us the actions of compassion and words, if necessary, of kindness. Accompanying my students in the weeks, months and years following a loss stands as one of the most humbling privileges of my vocation. It demands a personal integration and spiritual interiority requiring continual communication with God and awareness of myself. It inspires a movement toward vulnerability and deepening of relationship. In navigating the ebb and flow of loss and grief with those entrusted to our care, may we take to heart the example of the Founder, relying on the providence of a loving God to light the path.
Brother Michael Phipps, FSC, is the spirituality project manager for Christian Brothers Conference, the office for the Lasallian Region of North America (RELAN). Read his previous reflection here.